Yes, we are down to less than one month to go...exactly 4 weeks from today is my due date. People keep asking if I'm nervous, and I keep saying no, because consciously I don't feel nervous about any of it, however, my dreams are telling a slightly different story. I keep having very funny anxiety dreams about things like breastfeeding or not knowing what to do with the baby, right down to the concept of how to carry it. In that dream I actually put the baby in my pocket to bring her downstairs (yes, it was a girl in that dream too). Despite the fact that we still keep referring to it as "he" because we both feel like its probably a boy, it is still always a girl in my dreams. I did have a minor breakdown the other day about how crazy it is that we make all these important decisions for this little being that could affect its whole life and that I didn't feel qualified to be making these decisions. It started with me thinking about medical decisions, like vaccinations and circumcision, but then it turned into such decisions as what to name the baby. I mean, why are we qualified as parents to decide what this child is going to be called for the rest of its life. It just all of a sudden seemed so permanent and important. (And yes, we are still not sharing the girl name we've decided on and we still have yet to settle on a boy name).
So, despite all my no's to the question of whether or not I'm nervous, I suppose subconciously I have a few worries popping into my head. Other than that though, everything is going as great as possible. I still feel wonderful most of the time and the baby is very active and fun. As of tomorrow's midwives appt, we start going in every week to be checked out which makes it feel really close. I guess it IS really close now. According to the fruit chart we are up to watermelon size and that's about as big as it gets in the fruit world, so we must be close. Stay tuned for more updated belly photos. We've been good about remembering to take them more often now, but I have been less than good at remembering to upload them to the computer.
Speaking of memory...I'll share one quick and funny story from last night. One of my friends asked me what the most challenging part of being pregnant has been, and my answer was this, "Well, I think I'd have to say there are 2 things that I've struggled the most with. The first one is that I can't stand being this emotional about things. I feel like I'm usually a fairly rational person when it comes to emotions and judging whether or not I'm overreacting to things" (although I know some of you reading this may disagree :) "...but lately I don't have any idea what is a rational thought and what is just the hormones making me completely irrational and it drives me nuts not being able to distinguish the two. And the second thing is...hmmm, I know there were 2 things I was thinking of...what was the second thing?? ummmm, wow, I can't remember what the other thing was that's driving me nuts...(insert long pause)...OH YEAH, its that I keep forgetting everything and my memory is horrible"
And no, I was not just trying to be funny about it, I honestly could not remember that my memory issues were the second thing that's bothering me about being pregnant. Unbelievable.
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